I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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