he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize