Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
