Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
