using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my shit smells like andre
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
