My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
