So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
