The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize