god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
