seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
