its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
