you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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