How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Boobs are out for the taking
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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