my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
PANTIES FOUND
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