two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You did what with his pubic hair?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
