Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
