we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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