We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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