I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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