I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
