Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize