there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
