Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
