her vagina looked like bernie madoff
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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