If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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