Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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