The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Randomize
