Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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