smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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