I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
