Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
