he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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