pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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