do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
