Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
