I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My pussy is not your playground.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
