that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
