just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
