NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
