The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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