I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize