I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
