College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
