Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Panties = found
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
