is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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