Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
