This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
