is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
