i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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