I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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