The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
