accomplished twins. life is a go
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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