I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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