Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
