I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
