while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize