this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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