8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
