come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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