Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
