I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
