His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
