Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
