im holly from the hills drunk
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
