Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize