Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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