how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Damn victory sex feels great
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
