Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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