do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
