i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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