She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
