Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
