i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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