if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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