About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
