She announced her abortion via fbk
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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