Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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