Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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