I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
