worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We are two peas in an std pod
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
