for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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