You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize