i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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