this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
